That Wedding Read online

  "Like some guys you did it with don't count," Marcus's wife, Madison, says bluntly.

  "Exactly," Lori and I agree.

  "Wait," Danny says. "So who wouldn't count?"

  Madison says, "I know one. The guy you meet at the bar and thought was hot. But when you sobered up, you realized he wasn't. Like not at all. I don't think you'd count him."

  Marcus is like, "Why wouldn't you count him?"

  To which I replied, "Because if you would've been in your right mind, you never would have."

  Duh.

  Madison tells us, "I had a friend call me me one shameful morning and ask me if it counts when you wake up naked in a guy's bed, but you don't remember doing anything."

  "What'd you tell her?" Chase asks.

  "I told her not to worry, that it didn't count. If you don't remember it, you didn't do it, right?"

  "That's how Lori kept her numbers down," I tease.

  "Okay, I can kinda understand that," Alex says. "So does that mean girls don't count ANY one night stands or drunken sex?"

  "I think if he was hot, you'd count him," Madison says.

  "Oh, yes. If he was hot, you'd definitely count him."

  Lori finally decides to pipe in on the conversation. "Jade, remember that hotass bartender you did? You count him, don't you?"

  "What bartender?" Phillip asks.

  I'm running boys through my mind, praying that I slept with another bartender somewhere along the way, and that's the one she's remembering.

  But, no.

  She looks at Phillip and Danny like they're idiots. "You KNOW, the one from Keggers that always let Jade drink even though he knew she was underage. He had that adorable spiky blonde hair, those big green eyes, and the longest eyelashes we'd ever seen. What was his name?"

  "Bradley?!" Phillip says. "You slept with Bradley?"

  "Uh....maybe." I put on my sweetest face, complete with adorable grin.

  I hope.

  Danny's like, "So that's why we always got free drinks? And here I always thought it was cuz I was the hot shit Husker quarterback. Although, come to think of it, I only got free rounds when I was with you."

  "We got free rounds A LOT," Phillip states adamantly.

  "Uh, well, it may have been more than one, one night stand," Lori says. "Did you really not know that, Phillip?"

  "No, I did not," Phillip says, his eyes boring into mine.

  I give Danny my I'm panicked here, please do something look, but he thinks it's funny and is laughing at me.

  Fortunately, Alex chips in, "Who else wouldn't you count?"

  "If he sucked," his wife says.

  There are choruses of Yeah, Exactly, and For sure from the girls.

  "Oh, and if you cheated on your boyfriend with someone, I don't think you would count him either," Lori says with a grin.

  "I could get you in a lot of trouble, you know. I have way more dirt on you," I whisper quietly to her.

  "You ladies are scaring me," Marcus says. "So who WOULD you count?"

  To that, he gets a bunch of replies.

  "Guys you had a relationship with."

  "Hot guys."

  "Yeah, definitely the hot ones."

  "The ones that were gooooood."

  "Yeah, even if they weren't that hot."

  "Oh, and the memorable ones," I say.

  "Memorable, how?" Danny asks.

  Lori opens her big mouth AGAIN. "Ooooohhhh, like the guy that worked at the movie theater?"

  "What was memorable about the movie theater guy?" Chase asks.

  "Let's just say it has to do with popcorn butter and the back of a movie theater and leave it at that," Lori says.

  "Oh my god, Lori, you're making me sound like a slut. I dated the movie theater guy for two months and never had sex with him. It's not like I did him for free popcorn."

  Danny gets mouthy. "Two whole months, Jay, that was like a record for you."

  "Uh, no. Four months was my record, and you have no room to talk, Mr. Revolving Bedroom Door."

  "How long will you and Phillip have been dating when you get married?"

  "Four months," I shoot back.

  Danny pats Phillip on the back and says, "Dude." Like in sorrow.

  "Danny, maybe we should talk about your sex life. How many girls are on that list? I mean, I lost count sophomore year."

  "You were never very good with math, blondie," Danny quips.

  "Shut up!" I yell.

  Lori says, "Yeah, Danny, how many? We've never really discussed this."

  I can tease Danny all I want to, but I love him, and I can see that this conversation is going nowhere good and fast. So I toss him a life preserver by saying, "Well, how many for you, Lori? Remember that wrestler dude? And who could forget all the things you did with that guy from your anatomy class in the name of studying?" Let's put her under the microscope for a little while.

  "Jay, we may need to talk about this later," Danny teases.

  "Trust me, Danny, her number is smaller than yours. Even without the mental revisions."

  "That's weird," Alex says, "because I think guys count every single girl, regardless of the circumstances."

  "Even if she was nasty?" I question.

  "Uh, yeah, I think so, guys?"

  And all the guys are like, "Yeah."

  "What if she was your best friend's girl?" Marcus's wife, Madison asks.

  Marcus says, "Yeah, sure. I mean, I did."

  Then both he and his wife get big grins on their faces, and he continues. "But then again, I married her."

  I went to look at wedding dresses again yesterday. Still no luck. Lori must have been feeling my frustration all the way down in Kansas City.

  While I'm driving to work, my phone rings.

  "So did you find a dress last night?"

  "No, I suck," I whine. "I thought the dress would be the easiest part. I may have to go naked."

  "That would fit your whole XXX theme."

  "Yeah," I say as further depression sets in.

  "So, I have a plan. Danny plays the Jets in New York next Sunday, and I think we should tag along and do some serious shopping. I heard there's a store there that has the biggest wedding dress selection in the world. We could leave Friday, shop all day Saturday, and see the game Sunday."

  "Sounds like a plan to me, although, I'm gonna have to see if my boss will let me off work."

  "He will. He's invited too. We also invited both the Diamonds and the Macs. Are you okay with the moms helping you shop?"

  "Just promise me no STD jokes."

  "Deal! Oh, Jade, I'm so excited!! I know I'll be able to help you find the perfect dress!"

  "I sure hope so, Lori. I sure hope so."

  As soon as I get in the office, Phillip shuts his door, pushes me up against it, and kisses me. "You're late," he says. "I'm your boss. I'm probably going to have to write you up or something."

  "No, you're just always early."

  He grabs my ass. "Maybe you should offer to sleep with the boss, so you can get ahead."

  "I'm surprised you'd want me to sleep with your dad, Phillip."

  He chuckles and kisses the side of my neck just under my ear. I swear, it makes me weak in the knees. It's a good thing I'm up against the door. "I'm pretty sure I'm your boss."

  "And I'm pretty sure if sleeping with you was the way to get ahead, I'd be running the company by now."

  He slides his hand into the back of my hair and kisses me again. "I missed you."

  "You saw me an hour ago."

  "I still missed you. Do you know how sexy you looked this morning? Your hair was a wreck, and your mascara was all smeared. That's how I know it was a good night. The more smeared your mascara, the more fun we had."

  "Are you suggesting we had fun last night?"

  "Oh, yeah. And guess what? We're going home for lunch today."

  "I'm gonna starve, huh?"

  "Naw, you're just living on love."

  Phillip and I are meeting with Amy, our a
mazing wedding planner, for some serious wedding planning. Since we hired her, wedding planning has become really fun.

  We're basically planning one big long party, and I love parties!!

  We've both had numerous phone conversations with Amy about what we want at the wedding. And we know, food is high on Phillip's list. We both want the food to be like good, normal food. Sorry, but don't come to my wedding if you're looking for little appetizers with caviar and cream on top.

  That is not us.

  We meet her at the hotel, view the ballrooms, and sit down to start our food tasting. We taste all the appetizers for the cocktail party. We're having Kobe beef sliders, hot wing bites, twice-baked baby new potatoes, bacon-wrapped scallops, barbecued shrimp, a shot glass of tomato-basil soup served with a mini grilled cheese, fruit kabobs, and crab cakes. We also want to have a cool signature cocktail, we just need to choose one.

  Amy says, "They made three drinks for you to try. I wasn't sure which way you would want to go, a wintery drink, or one that matches your wedding decor."

  First, we try a chocolate peppermint martini. It's really good and reminds me of hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps. Then we taste a gingerbread martini. Phillip is in love with the gingerbread one, but he thinks they both taste too much like dessert. Once they bring out the third drink, I see why. I'm pretty sure this drink was Phillip's idea. It's called the Princess Martini.

  Amy tells me, "It's a combination of Chambord flavored vodka, citron vodka, and lemonade."

  Phillip takes a taste. "This drink is aptly named. It's just like you. The perfect combination of sweet and sass."

  "And the glass is rimmed with purple sugar. How cute is that?"

  "Like I said, just like you."

  I take another drink then yell out, "Sold!"

  Phillip grins at me. Sorry, I have to say it.

  Isn't he just adorable??!!!

  I just want to take him home with me.

  Like now.

  But we have to do this stuff, even though all I can think about is how I'd like to rip his clothes off.

  We taste everything on our dinner menu. The wedge salad with balsamic vinaigrette, the Kansas City strip steaks with port wine reduction sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, and cheesy corn. It was all really good.

  "Jadyn," Amy says to me, "Phillip told me you love desserts. I think it might be fun to do something a little different. While you're doing the toasts, your first dance, and cutting the cake, I thought we should serve a little something sweet to finish off dinner and to go with the champagne. And don't worry, people will still eat plenty of cake."

  Danny, who is known for his impeccable timing, texts me.

  Danny :) XXX desserts = chocolate body paint + whipped cream.

  Gosh, he makes me laugh. I show Phillip the text. He whispers in my ear. "We'll stop at the store later. That sounds fun."

  I bite my lip. I'm practically breathless imagining Phillip covered in whipped cream and chocolate. Two of my most favorite things.

  I'm having a great little daydream when the chef brings out an array of dessert shooters. Little bites of wonder is what they should be called.

  They're the perfect size, and we couldn't pick just one. So we're doing an assortment and letting the guests each try a few. We did narrow the options down to four, Phillip and I each picking our two favorites.

  And I have to talk about these desserts because desserts are like my very favorite thing in the world. Phillip has always teased me because if I had my way, I would eat dessert first and see how hungry I was before ordering dinner.

  If only our bodies would cooperate diet-wise with this.

  I think God, the architect of our amazing universe, made incredible things. Sunsets, rainbows, the way the water ripples, how he created our bodies and minds, and everything. (He also created sex. Think about that.)

  But I think the fact that dessert every day will make us fat is a serious design flaw.

  Think how happy we'd all be.

  Seriously, if everyone in the world could eat dessert first, AND not get fat in the process, I'm convinced there would be so much happiness and love in the world. It's kinda like the whole 70's thing.

  PEACE, LOVE, AND WEED.

  Now sure, weed makes you feel all happy, but you know, it's illegal and all and frowned upon by many.

  However.

  PEACE, LOVE, AND DESSERT.

  I really think the world could wrap their head around this.

  And I plan to fully support this movement at my wedding.

  Dessert for everyone.

  So don't laugh at the fact that we're having four kinds of dessert shooters and two kinds of cake.

  Okay, now let me gush about these shooters.

  My favorite is something called chocolate overload, which if I remember right from school would be considered an oxymoron because it's not possible in Jadyn's little world. There is no such possible thing as TOO MUCH chocolate; therefore, it's impossible to overload it. It starts out with gooey flourless chocolate cake pieces, and then it's topped with homemade chocolate fudge, chocolate ganache, and chocolate whipped cream.

  Seriously.

  "You can just take a dozen or so of those up to the honeymoon suite and leave them by the bathtub for me on our wedding night," I half joke to Amy and Phillip.

  Actually, I wasn't really joking.

  My other favorite was lighter and fluffy, but it was equally wonderful. It was similar to a cake my grandma used to make when I was little. It has poundcake, warm caramel sauce, whipped cream, and toffee pieces.

  Phillip chose a mini tiramisu because that's his mom's favorite dessert, and then he went crazy over pumpkin cake with caramel liquor and cinnamon spiced whipped cream.

  "You can put some of these by the tub for me," he jokes.

  "I'm a wedding planner, not the dessert fairy," Amy says. "Although, when we're finished up here, we do get to taste cake. I'm gonna go tell them we're ready for the after party food."

  "This is like the best day ever," Phillip says to me.

  I'm still picturing Phillip covered in chocolate, so I whisper to him. "If you buy chocolate and whipped cream on the way home, it might just be your best night ever too."

  He gives me the sexiest grin. "I think that can be arranged."

  He gazes at my mouth. I'm pretty sure he's going to kiss me, but he says, "You have some whipped cream on your mouth. Here, let me get it." He licks the corner of my mouth then kisses me. I'm pretty sure he was lying, but I don't mind.

  Amy waltzes back in with a different chef. "Since both of you have fond memories of late night breakfasts with your friends, that seemed like the perfect food for your after party."

  We taste the cutest stack of mini pancakes that are held together by a purple skewer and drizzled with warm maple syrup. There are paper cones full of mini hash browns, sausage and cheese biscuit sliders, mini French toast points made with cinnamon bread, warm mini cinnamon rolls with thick white frosting, and a little ramekin filled with a mushroom and pepper jack cheese omelet.

  The exact type I used to make for the Phillip and Danny.

  "What do you think?" she asks.

  Phillip and I both have our mouthes full of something. He gives her two thumbs up. I chew quick then say, "I think you just pitched a shutout."

  And she's like, "What?"

  "It's like you had the perfect game," Phillip tells her. "You did good."

  After a long drive home, Phillip makes good on his promise. He stops at the grocery store by my house and comes out with hot fudge and a can of whipped cream.

  Let's just say, Phillip is by far the best dessert of the day.

  I'm starting to hate these blue and white checkerboard chairs. They're like mini torture devices. I look down at them and study them a little closer, half expecting shackles to be hidden under the rolled arms and on the wooden legs.

  If it's not bad enough that I'm sitting here, Phillip told me on the way in that if I wasn't good I didn't g
et margaritas after.

  Does he think he's my dad?

  I don't need his permission to get margaritas!

  Maybe today we need to talk to him about the whole smothering thing. I'm pretty sure margarita blocking equals smothering.

  Can you technically die from lack of alcohol?

  Pastor says, "So today, we want to talk about the past."

  Phillip butts in. "We're not going to discuss JJ's parents."

  I smile at him. My hero.

  Maybe he's not so bad after all.

  Pastor replies. "Well, you can pretend all you want that it doesn't affect you, but JJ went through something traumatic. You both did, but that's not all we need to discuss. Everyone comes to a relationship with a past. Past loves, secrets, sometimes children. They've had relationships that were successful, and relationships that were failures. We want to make sure you're both on the same page. How much do you know about each other's past?"

  "We know everything! I've known him my whole life!" I say.

  Phillip smirks at me. "Not everything. I learned a few things I didn't know about your past the other weekend."

  Oh, please. He's not going to bring up that I slept with the bartender, is he? He hasn't said one single word to me about it, and he's gonna choose NOW to talk about it?

  Pastor says, "What did you learn, Phillip?"

  I give Phillip my evilest glare, but he doesn't look at me. He continues. "I just learned that I don't know everything about her, like I thought I did."

  Duh? Like I was gonna tell Phillip about every boy I slept with? Sleeping around was fine for Danny, but I wasn't really allowed. Like Phillip and Danny would've gotten mad at me. Part of the reason I never brought a guy home with me. Danny and Phillip would've crucified him.

  "I don't know everything about your past either," I tell Phillip. "We were close, but like the dreams we talked about, we didn't share everything with each other. I'm learning new things about you too."

  "True," he says. His eyes get sparkly, and I can tell he's moved from thinking about my past to thinking about naughty dream week and probably about last night. Phillip doesn't mind being treated like a dessert. He says I can lick whipped cream off anything I want, anytime I want. Which I wanna do again very soon. Like maybe tonight.

  When that's what you have to look forward to in your future, why would you care about the past?

  Phillip turns to Pastor and says, "I don't think we should be dwelling on the past. I think we should be focusing on our future."