Hollywood Love Read online

  “Fuck me,” I whimper as she goes all the way down, getting her hair wet.

  Dallas leans toward me. “Wasn’t the whole celibacy thing really only in play if you were dating both Ariela and Shelby?”

  “Um, maybe,” I say as she comes back up, water glistening as it glides off her body. “Um, yes, actually. I think it was. No, it definitely was.”

  He slaps me on the back. “Go fuck that girl, son!”

  “You sound like Grandpa Douglas.” I laugh.

  He giggles, too. “I know. I’m going to be a badass grandpa someday.”

  I get up and meet Ariela as she’s coming out of the pool, possessively grabbing her and roughly kissing her.

  “Fuck celibacy,” I mutter.

  “No, fuck me,” she whispers in my ear, causing me to do what any horny red-blooded male would do. I pick up her hot thong-clad ass, throw her over my shoulder, and carry her straight to the bedroom.

  Monday, December 8th

  NEWS FLASH

  Well, people, you’re very lucky that I immerse myself in the celebrity world because I am the first to report about this simple little announcement that I found in an industry publication. I’ll let you read it for yourself.

  Captive Films announces Love Struck, an epic romance featuring a man who gets hit by lightning and is sent spiraling through time. In each time period, he will search out his one true love. Leads will be played by Knox Daniels and Keatyn Arrington. Also attached to the project are directors Riley Johnson and Matt Moran. The film is set to release next year for the Thanksgiving weekend.

  HOLY SHIT, PEOPLE!

  This is happening!

  I’m breaking out the bubbly!

  Here’s my take on the matter. We all saw the photos last week of Knox Daniels and Keatyn—sorry-I-haven’t-gotten-used-to-her-new-last-name—Arrington attending the Trinity wrap party. Keatyn looked gorgeous in a blue silk Valentino gown that showed off her growing baby bump. And, although Keatyn and Aiden aren’t sharing when their triplets are due, experts say she’s about four months along.

  But I’m getting off track here.

  We’ve heard rumors that, in the last Trinity movie, Knox and Keatyn finally get some well-deserved on-screen sexy times and that the film ends happily. But we all know that it’s an action film. How happy can it be? Like, yay, we’re all still alive!

  Love Struck is going to be a ROMANCE!

  And something they didn’t mention in this little two-liner but that I have found out through my web of closely placed sources is, the script was written by Knox himself. Can you imagine? He and Keatyn have been playing love interests for over ten years, and now, finally, we will see them in the way we’ve all been dreaming of.

  And get this; I was told that this movie is expected to be so epic that it might rival Titanic at the box office.

  Tuesday, January 27th

  NEWS FLASH

  Now that the holidays are over and we’re trying to sweat off those extra pounds we put on from all the cocktails we sucked down, the big talk in the movie industry is, for the most part, about who will win what award. The Oscar nominees were announced very early this morning.

  And normally, this would be the big entertainment news of the day. Instead, the Internet is all abuzz over what I’m told is a spectacular sex tape. Okay, who am I kidding? I totally watched it.

  And, if you haven’t, my goodness, go do it now, girl.

  Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

  The subject of said tape is none other than Juan Fabio “Bam” Martinez and his former girlfriend, supermodel, Alexi Simpson. This tape apparently came as a big surprise to … well, everyone, particularly newlywed, Bam, who is supposedly trying to get it removed from the cybersphere. Of course, it’s been shared and forwarded so many times, it’s hard to tell where it even started.

  The question I want to know is, why?

  Why did Alexi release this tape now?

  She broke up with Bam.

  Bam is happily married and expecting his first child.

  You all know how I am. I had to dig deeper. And that digging led me to Palm Beach, Florida—actually, I was already here, visiting my aunt—where polo season is in full swing.

  And I do mean, swing. Wooh! The men here are so fine, I may never come home. Of course, my aunt reminded me that they are merely “seasonal” and will be gone before we know it. She also added that we should enjoy them while we can, but I am probably going to need therapy after that comment and refuse to discuss it further.

  Although I may have taken things further with this patron. For those of you who don’t speak polo, he’s the rich dude who sponsors the team, and what really turned me on was watching him sabre a champagne. You can Google it if you’ve never seen it before. It was hot; let’s just say that. Although I may have gotten glass shards in my drink. But whatever. #worthit

  Anywho, I had to stomp on a lot of divots to get to this, but here’s what I know.

  I’m told by sources close to Alexi that, although she broke up with Bam, she was shocked and hurt by his royal wedding to the former cocktail waitress. Alexi was in Palm Beach because when she was with Bam, she supposedly developed a love for the game. But from the looks of it, I’d say she developed a love for polo players, as she has been working her way through the league—if you know what I mean.

  Today, she was in rare form at the match and dressed to the nines. I have a love-hate relationship with that skinny, beautiful bitch.

  Bam and Alexi first met at this event, so it’s their anniversary of sorts. And I guess Alexi thought it was the perfect day to release a sex tape of them? As a sort of tribute to their past. I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. I also think it reeks of jealousy and is just plain disrespectful to the woman who is pregnant with Bam’s child.

  Alexi has been blowing up social media today, saying that her phone was hacked and pretending to be aghast that it was released, but those who know her say it was totally premeditated.

  It doesn’t really matter though how social media savvy Alexi is, we’re awarding the win to Bam’s wife, Shelby, who was attending said polo event in support of her husband. (And looking fabulous in a Dolce and Gabbana ensemble. I swear, you can barely tell she’s pregnant!)

  When a reporter asked her what she thought of the sex tape of her husband and his former flame, she tossed her long tresses over her shoulder and simply replied, “I thought it was super hot.”

  Drops mic.

  And this is why I am now enthralled and impressed with Shelby Martinez. She doesn’t need a publicist. No damage control. No stupid Tweet war. No vague-booking. She shut down the drama with one single flippant comment. You go, girl.

  Friday, April 24th

  NEWS FLASH

  It is with great happiness in my heart that I’m able to announce that Triplet Watch is now over. Aiden and Keatyn Arrington are proud parents. Here’s the official announcement.

  Keatyn Arrington safely delivered triplets, two boys and one girl, via C-section early this morning. Mother and babies are doing well. Keatyn and Aiden would like to thank everyone for all their prayers, love, and support.

  First off, CONGRATULATIONS, KEATYN AND AIDEN! I’M SO THRILLED FOR YOU!!!

  Okay, now that I have gotten that out of my system, I can tell you more details about the birth. Although Keatyn has not posted on social media—and who can blame her?—her sexy-as-hell husband definitely has.

  Can I swoon here, please? There is just something about a hot guy holding a baby, let alone three, that just sets my panties ablaze.

  And Aiden, I swear, just keeps getting hotter. Not only that, but in honor of their babies’ birth, Aiden will be personally donating a dollar for every bottle of Moon Wish wine sold in the next month, up to three million—a million for each baby. If there was ever a a good reason to get drunk, people, this is it! You can say it’s for charity!

  Okay, back to the birth. Here’s what I know.

  Keatyn was on bed rest for the last four w
eeks. I’m told, the fact that she managed to make it to thirty-five weeks and five days with triplets is a big deal. When multiples are born early, they typically don’t get to go home with their parents, instead staying in the NICU for weeks or even months. Aiden said in a social media post that, while the babies were immediately sent to the NICU for observation, the doctors were cautiously optimistic that they would only be there overnight.

  And, now, drumroll, please. If you’re like me, you are dying to know what they named their babies. Would they go in the direction of some celebrities and choose very unique, obscure names? Would they go in the direction of Aiden’s sister, Peyton—who is married to Keatyn’s childhood friend, Damian Moran—with ultra-cool rocker names like Cash, Jett, and Jagger?

  It seems, instead, they went a more traditional and meaningful route, choosing family names.

  Here are the babies’ names, in order of birth:

  Son: Asher Monroe Arrington

  Daughter: Aubrey Lane Arrington

  Son: Aspen Stevens Arrington

  Let’s take a moment to break these names down.

  Asher Monroe is pretty easy. Asher is Aiden’s middle name as well as the name for the very successful Asher winery. For those of you who have read or watched The Keatyn Chronicles, you know that Monroe is Abby Johnston’s grandmother’s maiden name and the name Keatyn was using as her surname when she and Aiden first met.

  Aubrey Lane is a combination of Aiden’s parents’ names—Aubrey and Lane Arrington.

  Aspen Stevens was a little trickier. The middle name, Stevens, is the last name of Keatyn’s stepfather, Tommy, as well as her half-sisters, Avery, Emery, and Ivery. But I wasn’t sure about Aspen. Turns out that Grandpa Douglas, the hilarious sage in The Keatyn Chronicles, is named Aspen Douglas. Aspen was also the middle name of Keatyn’s late father, model, Mark Douglas.

  So there you have it.

  Keatyn, just wanna say that I’m wishing you and your babies the best!

  <3

  Tuesday, May 19th

  NEWS FLASH

  It’s three in the morning, and I just got home from the Trinity movie premiere. I’m a little drunk, happily swinging my heels, as I sit down to write this.

  So here’s the thing, people. Mark your calendars right now. On Friday, May 22nd, there is only one place you want to be. That is with your ass in a seat at a movie theater near you.

  And, when I say ass, I’m referring to the reason you want yours in a seat. Because Knox Daniels bares his ass in this movie, and that alone is worth the price of admission.

  Let’s just say that when his naked ass appeared on the screen, which was about four cocktails into the night, I nearly jumped out of my seat and yelled, “Stop. Rewind!”

  Forget that it’s Memorial Day weekend, and all your friends will be begging you to come to their boring barbecues. If you really want to have a hot weekend, head to the theaters. Sure, there is the requisite action film stuff in this movie—bad guys, bombs, national security threats, and amazing stunts. But I just have to say, there is a scene in this movie—spoiler alert—where Knox and Keatyn are in bed. And, let me tell you, they are GETTING IT ON!

  And that deserves an IMAX-sized screen.

  Anywho, in this scene, Keatyn has what has to be the most believable orgasm I have ever seen in a movie. Kudos to Keatyn for faking it really well—or to Knox for making it happen for real.

  All I have to say is, LIFE MADE!

  Keatyn, who literally gave birth to three little humans just three weeks ago, looked amazing at the premiere. She was wearing a gorgeous gold empire-waist gown that had all sorts of fringe and lace arranged in a beautiful way. I’m trying to remember the designer of the dress, but it is currently eluding me.

  I can’t even really tell you much about the after-party. All the stars were there—although they tend to stick together in those little roped off areas.

  But Knox did come out to pee.

  And I may or may not have stalked him.

  And I may have actually spoken to him.

  And quite possibly spilled a little of cocktail number five on his own cock-tail—as in the front of his pants. I was horrified, of course, but yet, not. Because, in my attempt to atone for my sin by wiping said spilled cocktail off the front of his pants with a napkin, I may have gotten down on my knees in front of him. And I may have used one hand to grab his ass in order to push him closer to said napkin.

  And it may have looked bad.

  And there may be pictures.

  Actually, there are. My plus-one was snapping the fuck away, laughing hysterically.

  I do have to say though, Knox took it all in stride. Once he recovered from the shock, he quickly snatched the napkin out of my hand and zipped into the restroom.

  I tried to wait until he was finished, but my so-called friend—who is never coming to a party with me again—dragged me away from the area when a handful of ripped security dudes in suits arrived.

  Hello, hotties.

  Sorry. Where was I?

  Yes. Smoking-hot scene. Smoking-hot movie. Go see it.

  Must sleep now.

  Tuesday, June 16th

  NEWS FLASH

  It’s a miracle! After my alleged rubbing—I was trying to dry Knox’s pants off, I swear!—of his privates at the Trinity movie premiere, I was a little nervous that I wouldn’t get invited to anything Knox Daniels–related in the future. Like, ever.

  So, lo and behold, I was thrilled when I received my invitation to an early viewing of Daddy’s Angel, starring Jennifer Edwards, Knox Daniels, and Jake Worth. It’s always interesting to me how the premieres vary by studio. Who’s spending the cash freely—and by freely, I mean, the drinks at the after-party—and who’s not.

  Let’s just say, while the Trinity premiere last month was a big-bucks release, the Captive Films party was completely over the top. Of course, there was the red carpet where I stood on my feet in high heels for four hours while all the stars arrived, hoping to get a single useful quote.

  And it happened.

  Knox recognized me in the crowd and said, “Security.”

  Actually, I jest.

  He pointed me out, and I asked a brilliant question. One that every fan wants to know.

  I said, “Any chance you’re getting a divorce soon?”

  He laughed good-heartedly, then gestured toward his gorgeous wife and said, “You think I’d leave this sexy thing?”

  And, ladies, I know sexy thing sounds a little like something a ’70s rock star might have used to seduce, and out of anyone else’s mouth, I would have been like, Ick, but the way he said it was so adorable, I might have spontaneously orgasmed. Right there on the red carpet.

  Let’s talk about the movie. I mean, that was why we were all there. This movie is different. Something completely new to the industry. A new episode will release each week on the big screen. The thought of going to the theater for eight weeks in a row in order to see what may essentially be a television series seems like a big commitment, but Captive is also offering, through a paid subscription, the ability to watch last week’s movie episode this week on your TV. If you’re like me though, you are going to want to be at the theater. I just don’t know if a small screen will do this justice. And you’d never get stars like this together on a television show. The commercials wouldn’t pay enough to cover the costs.

  If you ask me, the direct-to-consumer-distribution option is pretty freaking brilliant.

  And the show.

  Jennifer, playing Angel, easily morphs from her daddy’s little angel to a promiscuous hellcat. And those scenes where she’s getting down and dirty are with golden boy, Jake Worth, who plays the town bad boy, Jackson. I have to say, I love seeing Jake step out of the box to play this role. I was a little worried he couldn’t pull it off, but, damn, does he look good in a leather jacket and no shirt. I’d be sneaking off to the abandoned railroad tracks and doing it in the dirt with him every day after school, too.

  But shi
t gets real when Knox Daniels’s character, Nathan, comes to town at the request of Angel’s daddy to properly court her. I’m not sure yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Nathan isn’t quite as good as he seems.

  Can you imagine? Two bad boys after you? Angel is a lucky bitch, is what I’m saying.

  Get your calendars out now and make a date with this hot cast.

  Now, what you’ve been waiting for—details on the after-party. First off, the decor was gorgeous with a fire-and-ice theme. The best thing about this party—NO private VIP section. Keatyn, Aiden, Knox, Jake, Jennifer—everyone involved in this groundbreaking project was out mingling with us normal people. And I spoke to them all.

  And get this! Keatyn knows WHO I AM! She read my column—the slightly embarrassing one where I had a bit of a meltdown over Knox marrying the schoolteacher and admitted to never seeing or reading The Keatyn Chronicles. Anywho, she told me I’m witty and funny and that I have a great writing style.

  And then she invited me to her house for a sleepover where we pinkie swore to be lifelong friends.

  Okay, not quite.

  But she did give my email to a very pregnant Vanessa Flanning, who is in charge of Captive Film’s PR.

  And guess what?

  This was so exciting!

  As Keatyn was handing the email I’d scribbled on a cocktail napkin—what is it with me and this group and cocktail napkins anyway?—to Vanessa, her freaking water broke! Turned out, her due date was next week. I can’t believe she got all dressed up and went to a party.

  Her hunky husband, Dawson, rushed her off to the hospital with my well wishes for a healthy baby.

  EDITED TO ADD: Get this; I got notified by Dawson Johnson’s personal assistant and told that after a very fast delivery—as in they barely made it to the hospital in time—Dawson and Vanessa Johnson welcomed a bouncing baby boy into their family at just after midnight on June 17th. He also mentioned something about replacing my shoes.