That Wedding Page 8

  "I really didn't need to know that. Just mute it. I don't wanna hear you pee. So this is the even bigger news. We're going to get married really soon. Like sometime this winter. Hopefully December or January."

  I hear peeing, and her scream, "JADE!!! That's the BEST news EVER!! I'm so happy for you. But oh my gosh, you must be freaking out. Trying to plan a wedding so quickly. Wait, you don't seem like you're freaking out. Why are you so calm?"

  "I have no idea. Phillip said the same thing when he told me about everything. It just all feels so right, Lori. I can't wait to marry Phillip. I've never been so sure of anything in my life."

  "Awww, that's so sweet. Okay, so do you need help? Maybe you should hire a wedding planner."

  "Maybe, I don't know. I do feel like I'm drowning in options. So will you help me a little?"

  "I have all day. Let me get some paper." I hear flushing, then water, and then her walking across the hardwood floor in her kitchen. "Can you hear that?" she asks.

  I'm pretty sure I just heard way more than I needed to, but I don't know what exactly she's referring to. "Hear what?"

  "The workers. They're so noisy. They're sawing tiles outside right now. It's a mess, but the bathroom is starting to look pretty cool, don't you think?"

  "It's going to be beautiful, just like you. Did I tell you how gorgeous you look pregnant? Mrs. Diamond was going on about how you're glowing. They're pretty excited to be grandparents."

  "Yeah, they are. It's cool. Okay, so what do you want for your wedding? Do you have any ideas?"

  "A few. I want a white cake with chocolate frosting. I'm not sure how I want it to look, but I do want it tall with lots of layers. I found a picture of one that had fluffy chocolate frosting, but it had little white and pink designs. So far, it's my favorite. I was thinking about doing a red velvet cake for the groom's cake since it's Phillip's favorite."

  "Those both sound good. So if the cake has pink on it, does that mean you want pink for your color?"

  "I don't think so. I'm not sure on a color yet."

  "Okay, what else do you know?"

  "My mom and I talked about my wedding reception when I was little. I always thought it would be in a big ballroom with pretty chandeliers and lots of candlelight. I know I'm not the most romantic person, never really been into all that mushy stuff, but with Phillip, I feel romantic. I want the wedding to feel romantic."

  "I think all weddings should be romantic, and you and Phillip have so much history. There will be lots of cool things you can do. Okay, so I have all that, what else?"

  "I know it's not all about the party, but we want a great reception. I know Phillip will be picky about the food. He also wants to wear a black tuxedo, and we want it to be formal."

  "Jade, I'm so proud of you! You said you didn't know anything you wanted, but you really know a lot. Your theme is romance. You know what kind of cake you want. I think the next thing you need to do is find somewhere to have the reception. That will help you set your date. Then you need to find a dress. I think you should go shopping by yourself. I wish I was there, but here's what I think you should do. Tell the consultant you want to try on a dress of each silhouette. That's what I did."

  "Katie told me to do that, but Lisa made me try on a bunch of ball gowns."

  "Just tell them you don't like ball gowns. I figured out pretty quickly what I liked and didn't like. After trying on four or five different styles, I knew I wanted an A-line dress. It looked the best on my figure. Then we set out to find one that was perfect for a beach wedding."

  "Your dress was gorgeous. I loved how simple it was."

  "Vera Wang does simple very well. I loved my dress and felt amazing in it. Think about that too. You'll be in the dress for hours. Make sure it's comfortable."

  "The dress seems like it sorta sets the tone for the wedding."

  "Yes and no. You already know you want a formal wedding, so you're going to want a more formal dress. Your goal for today is to figure out what style you want. That's it. So go."

  "Okay, I'll go. Call you later. And Lori, thanks."

  "You're welcome, Jade, and I promise I won't tell Danny."

  I grab a cupcake and slowly lick the frosting off the top while thinking about how sexy the man I'm going to marry is. I click on the internet to pull up a raunchy gift store's website. Maybe I can find a sexy game or some cute coupons for Phillip. Something that will keep naughty week going.

  OMG!

  I come across an item that I have to tell Danny about because I'm dying laughing about this. I believe it's an item that a boy would use to, um, pleasure himself.

  Me: New XXX wedding idea. You know how they have pasta stations at lots of wedding dinners? So I'm online looking for some naughty games, and they have something for men that they call an ejaculation station. What do you think, should we have one for the XXX wedding?

  Danny :) Like the idea....but it's a special day. They shouldn't have to do it themselves, hire professionals to help :)

  I'm laughing as I head out the door.

  At the wedding store, I look at dresses. I don't know what I want, like I've looked at a million dress ads in magazines, but none of them screamed at me from the page saying they were the one.

  I think I want something simple and elegant. I don't want lace. I don't want anything flashy.

  Something elegant, beautiful, subtle, and refined.

  Just like me.

  I laugh.

  Ha!

  Sorry. I even have to laugh at myself sometimes.

  Really, I want my wedding dress like Danny's old girlfriends.

  SSE. Simple, smooth, and easy.

  Vibrate.

  Danny :) What naughty games?

  Me: Can't talk now. I'm trying on wedding dresses!!

  Danny :) That's okay, I'm at a photo op with a few of the guys from the team and some of the cheerleaders. Tired as hell but still smiling and signing autographs.

  Me: Keep smiling and remember :) not :D

  Danny :) Will do :)

  I leave the store feeling a little depressed. I know Lori told me just to narrow in on a style, and I think I did. All the ladies at the bridal store seem to think I look best in a strapless mermaid style gown. I agree on strapless, but I don't know if I picture myself at my wedding looking like a mermaid.

  Phillip rubbed my face before he left for work this morning. It might be my favorite thing in the whole world. I fell back asleep and dreamt of wedding dresses.

  I'm in a bowling alley wearing the huge pouffy hoop-skirted wedding dress. All my friends are bowling pins with faces.

  Somehow, I keep getting pushed down the lane, like I'm a bowling ball. I smash into my bowling pin friends with the big skirt and knock them to the ground.

  And they are not happy about it.

  Pretty soon, all the bowling pins are yelling at me, telling me what a horrible dress I picked, how they hate it, and hate me.

  Now, I'm standing above what I think is the pit to hell.

  All my bowling pin friends are lying in the pit all around my feet. They're moaning, writhing in pain, begging to be let out. When I can't bend over to help them because the dress is so big, they try to pull me into hell with them.

  I wake up with a jerk, feeling a bit depressed, but immediately get to work.

  After four hours of online searching, I've decided that planning a wedding seems to vary from being the most joyous of experiences to being the biggest suckfest of all time.

  Right now, it's literally sucking the life out of me.

  Rule #1 in all bridal magazines. Give yourself a year to plan the perfect wedding.

  And here's another wedding statistic for you.

  Most brides are engaged for fifteen months!

  Fifteen months!!!!!

  And we want to do this in like three months?

  Is that even possible?

  I called a bunch of hotels this morning. Asked about a Saturday in December or January. I got a whole lot of we're booked.


  Maybe we should just run off to Vegas and get married by a fake Elvis. I'll wear a tacky cheap gown that I can wear on the roller coaster later.

  No, that's not what I want. I remember my mom telling me she spent way too much on her wedding dress. JJ, that is something you should never skimp on.

  I know her rhinestones, bling, and love of leopard used to bug me, but it was so her.

  I feel like I shouldn't be planning my wedding without her. I also know she'd be pissed to hear me say that. She'd want me to have fun with it.

  Then I think, my mom's dress! Maybe I could wear it!

  I crawl up to the top shelf in my closet, pull the big box down, and try it on.

  And laugh.

  And laugh some more.

  Oh my. This dress is so eighties, it's almost comical. It has huge puffy shoulders, full length mutton sleeves, and is covered with lace and iridescent sequins. I look closer at the fabric, wonder if I could have the dress remade. I really don't love the lace, so probably not. I'm a little surprised at myself though. I kinda like the sparkle. The little sequins. I bet they looked really pretty when she moved. They kinda remind me of the dress Phillip got me for our engagement party. It was beautiful. I've been telling the ladies at the bridal shop that I hate bling, but some of the dresses I've tried on have seemed too plain. Maybe I need a little bling.

  I'm pretty sure my mom would like that.

  I call Lori again and tell her to Skype me. I want her to see that I'm actually miserable and not just faking it.

  "Lori, wedding planning sucks. I have no dress. All the places I thought about having the reception are booked, and I can't decide on a color scheme. I think I'm going insane and crazy at the same time."

  "You just need a different approach. Don't look at this as something you have to do, have to get done...look at this as, um, a once-in-a-lifetime adventure. You're taking this incredible trip to Bridalville, and you get to shop, no wait...SEARCH, for the coolest thing from each town to bring back to show your friends. You know, the greatest cake, the most gorgeous dress, the funkiest favors, the yummiest food, the coolest cocktail. Whatever YOU want. How fun is that????"

  "Well, that does sound fun," I say cautiously. "A new approach. Maybe that's what I need." I look at her with a shrewd eye. "You're using this shit on Danny, aren't you? Is Danny going to Babyville?"

  "I don't know what you're talking about." She gets a smug look on her face.

  "You've gotten really good," I say, complimenting her manipulative skills.

  And well, the conversation worked.

  I've decided to take a new approach.

  Screw the theme.

  Screw the colors.

  I'm going on a search for what I like best, and that's what I'm going to use.

  We'll throw caution to the wind, say what the hell, and just let it fall into place.

  We have a new theme for the wedding, and that theme is ME!

  Say it with me now!!!

  It's all about me!!

  Okay, so it's about Phillip too, but you know what I mean.

  Then I realize that's what is missing! I need Phillip. I want his input on all of this. I shouldn't decide it myself. We should do it together. Although lately, it seems like every time we talk about anything wedding related, we end up in bed, or well, somewhere, you know, having a little fun.

  Tonight, I'll take Phillip out for some pizza, and we'll look through wedding ideas.

  Shoot.

  That won't work. I don't want to drag my laptop and all the crap I've torn out of magazines to dinner.

  We'll just order in pizza.

  But if we're at home, I know what'll happen. And what will happen will have nothing to do with the wedding. Well, I take that back, Phillip keeps telling me we're having "rehearsals" for the honeymoon. The honeymoon he's planning but won't tell me about.

  So I text that boy.

  Me: Tonight, I'm just saying no. No sex.

  Phillipbaby
  Me: No, but we have a wedding checklist of a million and seven things to do. I'm ordering pizza. We can have a few beers, eat, and look at lots of ideas. See if we can find some we want to use. There will be no fun until we make some serious progress. Deal?

  Phillipbaby
  I thought he was serious until I saw the little winky face.

  Me: Philllippp!!! No winking either! I know what that means!!

  Phillipbaby
  Me: No sad faces either. If you want, we don't have to do any of it. We can just skip the wedding.

  Phillipbaby
  Me: You're such a liar. I love you.

  Phillipbaby
  When Phillip got home, he caught me staring into my jewelry box.

  "What are you looking at?"

  "Just my mom and dad's wedding rings. I feel bad they just sit there. It's kinda sad."

  I get little tears in my eyes, but I push them back. I'm good at pushing back tears. Well, I used to be. It's gotten harder to do lately.

  Phillip wraps me in his arms, and I forget about being sad, especially when he kisses me.

  I drag him out to the couch, where we chow on pizza and drink beer. I click through picture after picture of wedding ideas. Phillip thought if we saw something we both liked, we should save it. So we did. We found a cool menu card we both really like. It's black and white damask and has accents of either teal or purple. Which depending on which color I pick, would work either way. We both love a huge white tree centerpiece that is dripping with lights, candles, crystals, and flowers. There's an all white place setting with a really cute snowflake ornament sitting on top. Since we're getting married in the winter, we both think something like that might be cool. We also save a photo of something I get really excited about. It's the cutest cocktail table that's covered in a black and white damask print tablecloth and tied with black ribbon at the base. It has a small purple floral arrangement and votive candles on top of it.

  "Let's click back through everything we've saved," Philip says.

  I click back through. "Well, we seem to really like black and white. Should we do that, and then I'll accent with either purple or teal?"

  "That sounds like a plan," he says.

  "I was thinking I'd like to have everything all in one place. I'd like to go from ceremony, to cocktail hour, to reception, to after party, without having to drive."

  "Would that mean we wouldn't get married at the church?"

  "Yeah," I say sneakily. That way I don't have to worry about Pastor John. We'll just find someone random off the internet or something. Or invite a judge. I bet Mr. Diamond knows a judge. He's an attorney, he should. "Especially since it'll probably be snowy and cold. If we can do it all at the hotel, I think it would be nicer. I mean, if I can find a hotel. I haven't had much luck with that yet."

  Philip closes my laptop, sets it on the coffee table, and kisses me. "You're lucky. We'll find somewhere."

  "Speaking of getting lucky," I say with a smirk.

  Phillip smacks my butt as he follows me into the bedroom.

  Phillip and I didn't talk about when exactly he'd make the big announcement today. It's been really hard for me to keep my mouth shut. After my meeting with Pastor, I'd really like to give Mrs. Mac a piece of my mind, my middle finger, and then say something like, There's no way in hell that Pastor John is marrying us, so there. I'd even stick out my tongue for good measure.

  But then I remember I'm an adult.

  Darn.

  Finally during dessert, Phillip turns to his dad and says, "Dad, I have some good news."

  His dad says, "Does that mean you finally asked her?"

  Mrs. Mac says, "Asked her what?"

  Phillip turns to his mom. "I know Dad told you all about us building in Kansas City."

  She nods. br />
  Phillip continues. "The good news is we offered Jadyn the opportunity to design it, and she's accepted."

  Mrs. Mac smiles and starts to say something, but Phillip keeps talking. "And there's more."

  "More?" Mr. Mac says with a confused look.

  "A lot more. We've decided to start looking for a house in KC right away. We've also decided to get married right away."

  "Why?" Mrs. Mac says. The she turns to me with an accusatory look. "Are you pregnant?"

  This is the same woman that told me just a few weeks ago that I should get pregnant and make Phillip marry me. Now, she's pissed.

  Phillip says, "She's not pregnant." He covers my hand with his. "Although that would be amazing."

  I melt. Phillip just makes me melt. Always.

  I went from feeling like a cat with her back all hunched up and readying her claws, to a little puddle of mush.

  "How soon are we talking? You know, most weddings take fifteen months to plan."

  "I do know that," I say. Ha! I've been secretly planning for a week. I know lots of stuff you don't. So there. "We're still working it all out, but we're shooting for December or January."

  "December or January!!! That's only a few months! I have no idea how we're going to plan a wedding that fast."

  She seems really stressed by this thought, which I think is a bit odd, as she managed to help her son plan a surprise engagement party in less than a week. So I say, "You don't have to worry about it. Phillip and I will do all the planning."

  She looks at me, obviously reading my mind and knowing I don't have a clue. "So have you set a date? That's the first thing you need to do."

  "We disagree. We decided to set a timeframe. A lot of the places I've called are already booked, so we're not setting a date until we find a place."

  Philip says, "That sounds reasonable, don't you think, Mom?"

  His mom huffs, "Are you sure you want to rush this? You just got engaged, and you're wrong. The first place you need to reserve is the church."

  I wanna tell her I'm never wrong, but this will be more satisfying.

  What the hell.

  Call the president. Give him the launch codes.

  It's time to drop the bomb.